If you haven't noticed, 2020 has affected - or should I say infected - every facet of our lives. One of the industries hit hardest was film and television. While, one would assume we are sitting on a backlog of movie releases shot as far back as 2018, our exploding need for entertainment may have prematurely drained that tank.
When Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon ran low on quality content, you noticed people's taste dipped to accomodate the need. Shows that no one would normally watch, became top 10 hits because we simply ran out of shit to watch. Movies ranked below 5 out of 10 on IMDB became Oscar worthy films as lockdowns grew and folks got bored.
So I made of list of the Worst Movies of 2020. These turds range from watchable to potential CIA ops designed to torture enemy combatants.
The Call of the Wild - Watchable on a cross country flight to distract you from the snoring dude next to you. But the CGI is outlandish. The dog is fake, the scenes are green screen, and you quickly realize this could have been animated film narrated by Harrison Ford, and it would have felt more watchable. There's a lack of continuity with Buck. He can seemingly pull off acts of superhero strength, but also get foiled by a fuckin' rabbit and quakes in his boots when anyone grabs a stick because he suffers from PTSD? This part of the book could have used a "Death Wish" twist where he sees red and just starts ripping these fools apart for threatening him with a measly baton.
Downhill - It's hard to watch Will Ferrell and Julia Louis Dreyfus simultaneously not be funny and not act well. It's a really long-winded way to see why money can't buy happiness. Boom, you've seen the film. Crisis averted.
Hubie Halloween - There's a few hilarious scenes, but they come at the dignity of yourself as to why you are laughing. It's because you're at the end of your rope. You...not the movie. You are old enough to remember all of Adam Sandler's characters and remember how funny they once were and realize those characters didn't age well. Hubie's character feels like a combination of Bobby Boucher, Macgyver, and Rainman. Setting another unrealistic example of a dude that would normally be relagated to a psych ward or assisted living facility, into landing the hot girl from High School. But, there's moments of brilliance, sprinkled in it that make it almost worth watching.
The Wrong Missy - It's funny...but if you met someone like Missy in real life, you'd call in an airstrike on whatever godforsaken town she's from. David Spade is just David Spade being David Spade. He has the acting range of a pile of lumber. Lauren Lapkus is just having a blast being obnoxious and I can't blame her. Why not? Get paid to be a horrible human? Sign me up! Nick Swardson looks like a used car salesman but comes packing some witty one-liners. That's about it. Watch it, but don't say I didn't warn you.
#10 Guns Akimbo - I had to watch this movie in 20 minute bursts. It felt like the crew got all hopped up cocaine and coffee and said "fuck it, it's time to shoot!!" It's got a lot working for it, but you'd be hard pressed not to get motion sickness or burned out on jump-cuts and inexplicably violent scenes that are seemingly unanswered by the world around them. Like if 3 cars were shooting at each other down the busiest street in your town, you'd likely see a news conference, right? Or if you lived in an apartment and you heard a bunch of furniture getting smashed around upstairs, you'd probably call the cops. If you are a fan of slickly shot films, go for it. You will love it. If you are a someone who does not dabble in opioids, you may not.
#1 The Kissing Booth 2 - My wife...she made me watch this 2 hour Hindenburg of a film and it took me days to forgive her. She brought up the fact that I kinda enjoyed the first one. Not falling for that one again. I don't know where to begin. I just hope Joey King doesn't get typecasted into trash like this from now on. She's better than this. Anyway, we are brought back to this coed private school for rich kids where the girls are seemingly forced to wear uniforms with skirts so short, butt cheeks are hanging out. Everyone is either 12 or a cover model. Oh, and the main character's sidekick just happens to drive a FUCKING GT350 SHELBY?! I harped on that for a good 10 minutes. Factor in the HORRIBLE acting, the glaring issue that she selfishly intervenes in her BFF's relationship, and that this girl magically falls for the new male model/senior that appears out of nowhere. Look, this movie screams white privilege, promotes selfish behavior, and is a fucking terrible concept to introduce to today's youth. They have enough problems. I can't unsee this thing. But you can save yourself. Don't hit play. Don't you dare give them a reason to keep this series going.